Lady Pirate

Wow, that's really good. I love your use of syntax, by capitalizing words such as 'We' 'Our' and 'They' you really give the reader a sense of hate. Also, I ...

This is really good, but I don't feel like you are consistent through out the work. I fell like it is being told from an outside point of view more ...

I like this, it's good, but make sure to watch you grammer, but it's a good start. I also feel like you are sort of on the middle mark, you ...

This is really good, I like it alot. Going a little uber-English-nerd on you, I love how your lack of puncuation further increases the tone of risking, almost panic and ...

Normally, I'm a stickler and don't really like people messing with other pwople's work...*shrugs* I don't know why, I just do. I really like Twilight, and I think in this ...

You need to go back and look at the grammer, your missing some commas, and some other things. This little bit is intresting, but I'm not getting a real sense ...

this is a very good start to an Urban Fantacey. The strange man with the sword was a very intresting point, and then Elenor appears out of nowhere. --I could ...

This is good, you have some really good discriptions here, that really, really paint a good picture. You sliped up a few times, but that should be able to fix. ...

The king sized king-size would say better room the furniture,to the closet furniture, to mansion must of belonged mansion must have or must've You gave up your were tired You ...

This is good, short but good. I think all the grammer has been pointed out, so we can skip that part of the crit. His name is: Helsing, if he ...

Ah, I love this character, he's very refreshing, and unique as is you style. I like the way you write, it's a very good different. Your discriptions are wonderful, and ...

You have some great discriptions here such as: cigarette perched precariously between his thin lips. You've got some intresting characters here, a ver good job. My hat's off to you. ...

Ah, love the ending! :mrgreen: a guest had come to the university from far away I would like to know where he came from. Did he come from Europe? Asia? ...

I've read a lot, in fact I have most of them sitting on the book shelf behind me. I have to say my favorite are the Timothy Zahn trilogy, which ...

The only thing that I can find technically wrong with this is, you have a few fragments, but those are very easily fixed. I am a stickler when it come ...